{"id":239,"date":"2019-01-04T09:00:11","date_gmt":"2019-01-04T14:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/traceyarial.com\/blog\/?p=239"},"modified":"2019-01-04T10:13:12","modified_gmt":"2019-01-04T15:13:12","slug":"john-cleese","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/traceyarial.com\/blog\/en\/john-cleese\/","title":{"rendered":"Funny Friday: John Cleese comes to Canada"},"content":{"rendered":"

John Cleese is coming to Canada in May. He’s not coming to Montreal, but if you live in Halifax, Toronto, Kitchener, London, Saskatoon, Edmonton, Calgary or Victoria, you’re in luck. Get your tickets<\/a> before they sell out.<\/p>\n

If you want a hilarious read, pick up John Cleese’s biography So Anyway<\/a>.<\/p>\n

For today, though, I’ll remind you of my favourite Cleese joke from a blog post he did in 2012.<\/p>\n

England<\/h2>\n

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”<\/p>\n

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.<\/p>\n

Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Scotland<\/h2>\n

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

France<\/h2>\n

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Italy<\/h2>\n

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Germany<\/h2>\n

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Belgium<\/h2>\n

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Spain<\/h2>\n

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Australia<\/h2>\n

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

— John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person, https:\/\/www.thejohncleese.com\/<\/a><\/p>\n

A final thought –<\/p>\n

\u00a0Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

John Cleese is coming to Canada in May. He’s not coming to Montreal, but if you live in Halifax, Toronto, Kitchener, London, Saskatoon, Edmonton, Calgary or Victoria, you’re in luck. Get your tickets before they sell out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":19165,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"0","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[50],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-239","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humour","post-wrapper","thrv_wrapper"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2buQs-3R","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":21893,"url":"https:\/\/traceyarial.com\/blog\/en\/canada-remembers\/","url_meta":{"origin":239,"position":0},"title":"Canada Remembers","author":"Tracey Arial","date":"November 11, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Remembrance Day has been an important landmark in my life since childhood. 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Szrejber hosts the popular Build Wealth Canada Podcast and just took over coordinating the Canadian Financial Summit. Szrejber successfully retired from his corporate job when he was only 33 years old. We spoke about his podcast, his investment course,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Unapologetically Canadian"","block_context":{"text":"Unapologetically Canadian","link":"https:\/\/traceyarial.com\/blog\/en\/category\/canada\/unapologetically-canadian\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Kornel Szrejber","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/traceyarial.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Kornel-Szrejber-TV-Profile-Circle-Live-o.png?fit=895%2C863&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/traceyarial.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Kornel-Szrejber-TV-Profile-Circle-Live-o.png?fit=895%2C863&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/traceyarial.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Kornel-Szrejber-TV-Profile-Circle-Live-o.png?fit=895%2C863&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/traceyarial.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Kornel-Szrejber-TV-Profile-Circle-Live-o.png?fit=895%2C863&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1864,"url":"https:\/\/traceyarial.com\/blog\/en\/midmarket-canada-investment\/","url_meta":{"origin":239,"position":4},"title":"Midmarket Acquisitions Offer Stable, Balanced Growth","author":"Tracey Arial","date":"November 29, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"The top five midmarket cities in Atlantic Canada show growth rates above the national average, says Don Clow, president and CEO of Crombie REIT, the company that owns St. John\u2019s largest shopping centre and other commercial properties across Canada. Atlantic Canada mid-markets also tend to be low risk, he says.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Canada"","block_context":{"text":"Canada","link":"https:\/\/traceyarial.com\/blog\/en\/category\/canada\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"ClowHeadshot","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/traceyarial.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/DonClow.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":20398,"url":"https:\/\/traceyarial.com\/blog\/en\/cathy-saint-john\/","url_meta":{"origin":239,"position":5},"title":"Speaking with Cathy Saint John about One for the Boys","author":"Tracey Arial","date":"November 1, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"https:\/\/www.mixcloud.com\/TraceyArial\/episode-13-speaking-with-cathy-saint-john-about-one-for-the-boys\/ Tracey [00:00:33] Now Cathy and I have known each other for years and years because this book \u2018One For The Boys\u2019 is all about the story of Sgt. John W. Blake who is a Newfoundlander from Canada who I did not have the opportunity to meet. 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